How I see things recently

 First day of holding my little Safiyyah....44 days after she was born. Wrapped in 3 pcs of cloth and yet she is smaller than my hand

My little Safiyyah recently (pic taken in May)

I found out that Raden Galoh, someone whom i know writes about her journey of fighting breast cancer (Kanser Payu Daraku) lost her battle to fight the 2nd attack of the cancer few weeks ago. I don't really read her blog without any reason. Maybe kind of busy or something. After known that she has passed away from her friend who is also my colleague, i started to read her blog from the beginning. (I am that type of person, i will write someone's blog from the beginning until the recent)

While browsing her blog, i found an interesting posting dated May 3rd 2009 by  Siti Marlina Zainal about her surviving years of battling breast cancer and how did she managed to carry her first little angel with only 1 left breast as she had her masectomy and how she fought till her last breath carrying her son (the baby was born premature due to her health condition) After 2 1/2 month gave birth to Qays Aiden, she lost he battle and return to the Creator. Al-Fatihah for both of them.

Previously, I will tell peoples that i am not ready to have another child due to my study, my work etc.But after reading their blogs, i am now see things in differently. I want to do everything in this world. I want to graduate and soon having masters degree, i want to have a small business so that i can be at home raising my children, i want to make my husband happy, i want to swim again, loosing weight (as my other half claimed that i am FAT) and i want to have more children. I can't wait until i am ready which i do not know when i will be ready but for sure i am ready now. (ready ker?)

I remember the first time touching her on the 2nd day i gave birth to her and i can only hold her after 44 days she was born. The fellings which i can never imagine and i can never tell. I want to have that feelings again and yet I am still afraid of having preterm labor again but for this time i need to save a lot for our next coming baby(ies) in case that i have the preterm labor again. I will start my business soon and trying to conceive in the next few months or maybe next year. Insyaallah...i hope everything will be fine.

XOXO...........

I impliedly write it here in case if my other half read my blog as i won't let him know directly......satgi dia melompat sakan plak. :D