She lost her weight again yesterday. down to 1.6kg. I was so upset and i was so sad. I can't take this as i feel like i am not a good mother. I was crying all day as i can't really face this. The doctor came to me and talk to me so do the paeds, then later the sister (senior nurse) and the nurses. I still can't hide my sadness.
Later in the afternoon, the sister came in to talk to me and advice me to take a rest for 2-3 days at home. At first i was a bot reluctant to leave my baby there alone as she's been sleeping with me since the past 7 nites. I am afraid that she may be cold at nite and nobody's there to hug and keep her warm. I am worry of everything which i shouldn't be. She convinced me for a few time and later i agreed to take a few days break.
I talked to my mom and i cried throughout the conversation. As usual, my mom cries with me. She calm me down.
I hugged and kissed my baby. I keep saying sorry to her as i have to leave her alone in the hospital. I feel so guilty as i can't take a good care of her.
My husband fetch me after maghrib and we went back home. I was so sad to leave her alone there. I brought back her blanket which i covered her every nite. I can still smell her on that blanket. I slept with the blanket last nite. Had a very bad nite and i had fever as well. I had a very bad dream as well which i woke up in the middle of the nite. Luckily my husband was around and he calm me down.
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1 Readers' Says:
bwk ngucap byk2... sabar... Allah jaga.... insyaAllah takda apa lah... u have to take care of urself, so that you can take care of the baby more.. do u know, emotionally the baby can 'detect' ur feelings? so u dun want her to know that u r sad right... u need to let her know, how happy you are to have her around kay... *lots of hugs*
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